At the beginning of the summer I attended a Christian conference for college students where I sat in on a Dating and Relationships seminar class. Before, when I would attend classes on similar topics, I would pick and choose what I wanted to hear. I would take what I liked from the message and use it to justify my actions while neglecting the truth that I didn't want to hear. However, this time was different; I felt more aware and convicted. I learned about God’s design for love, sex, and marriage, and how my thoughts and actions were drawing me away from God’s truths. Below are just a few of the truths that stuck with me.
God's Design for Love: “It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date…we’ve lost the ability to just ask someone out and get to know them.” –The Demise of Dating
What is wrong with this picture? Well for starters, we don’t understand love. Most people in today’s society think of love as “What can I get out of this relationship? Is this person willing to give me what I need to be happy and satisfied?” We see love as just a feeling; how someone makes you feel about yourself. If love is just a feeling then you will eventually leave when the feeling fades. The Gospel teaches us that love is a passionate commitment to put someone else first, a sacrifice, a dying to yourself.
When Jesus found us we were not beautiful and we had NOTHING to offer, but yet he humbled himself into a servant and committed to us despite our running away. God designed us to love. First and foremost He designed us to be in a loving relationship with Himself, so that we are able to share His unending love with other people. With the love of God in our hearts we are able to love selflessly, to carry each other’s burdens, and to fill each other’s weaknesses with our own strengths. The more you see yourself as a sinner saved by grace, the more you will be able to love other sinners.
God's Design for Sex: A lot of people in the world experience sex as just another step in a relationship; as a way of showing the other person you care about them in a physical way. By jumping into sex we try and take a short cut to feeling wanted and alive. Sexuality becomes all about us and OUR needs and OUR “drive”, but what about the One who created sex? Don’t take Him out of it! Sex was designed uniquely by God as a gift to unify two people in a marriage relationship. Sex was meant to bind a husband and wife together not just physically, but spiritually as well. It is drawn from emotion and it creates vulnerability. It is powerful because it serves a purpose. It can work to heal and restore when viewed as a gift in marriage.
So how can we approach sexuality in our current relationships? First, know that your body is not your own. If you're a Christian it belongs first to God, and second to your future spouse. God created us in His own image as one being with three parts. We have a body, soul (your mind, will, & emotions), and spirit. The three are deeply intertwined. Sex is never "just sex". So whenever you give your body to someone, whether just a kiss or something more vulnerable, like sex, you end up with less of yourself to give your spouse. Outside of a marriage relationship we can’t expose ourselves to something as powerful as sex without being damaged or hurt.
Second, asking questions such as “How far is too far?” or “Is foreplay considered sexual sin?” are the wrong questions to ask and are completely missing God's purpose for our lives. God's purpose for you and me, is to make us more like Himself. He wants us to grow in holiness. If you love Jesus and want to become more like Him, then you should be pursuing holiness. I know I used to wonder the same things and get caught up in the ambiguities of everything, but really I should be asking "How can I keep this relationship holy?" and "Does this action honor God?" 1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us to "Flee from sexual immorality". Not so that we can be seen as “good,” but because we love God and trust that He knows what is best for us. Trust the Lord and put Him first in all your relationships.
I know I have only hit a few points on dating/relationships, but I hope you find truth in these words. I learned so much, these are just a few key things that stuck with me. Whether you are currently single, in a relationship, or married, know that God has a design for how we interact in those relationships. Seek the Lord first and then wait for someone who loves Jesus more than they love you.
For more resources on God's design for Love, Sex, & Dating, check out Pastor Andy Stanley' sermon series here.
Or for girls, buy Marian Jordan's book, Sex and the City Uncovered.
If you want to know more about starting a relationship with Jesus and what that looks like contact scgreekimpact@gmail.com.
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